The following expression was adapted from a social media post I made this morning, and at the end of this piece are some related art images/links. Thank you for reading.

The invisible storm that daily threatens my surviving and thriving in this “Post 2012-2019 New Life” situation continues to rage on, and each morning I find myself awakening under immensely discouraging weights.

My practice lately is to “lay there” with it looking it all “in the eye” and at the same time internally and/or vocally fixing my eyes on Jesus and calling out for the strength to bear through another day. I find the initial weights, cares, fears, griefs of each day to feel like “too much.” Typically by the end of each day that is over-filled with “too much” I feel hopeful based on having survived the day, and my plans for the next day(s).

This morning, a verse I don’t normally think about came to mind.

“We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which He prepared before the foundation of the world, that we might walk in them.”

I typed the above verse from memory…from my college days when I was a new believer and being introduced to God’s Word, and encouraged to “hide it in my heart.” The verse (and the literal wording, if I’ve mistaken parts) is found in Ephesians 2:10.

I found myself thinking about that, as it relates to my life and my wanting to do God’s will and live a purpose-driven “new life” here. I also thought about how heavily these desires and efforts seem to be being continually thwarted–and how tethered the situation here seems to be to material, “survival” concerns rather than to my freely exercising the gifts God has given me through being one of “His workmanship.”

I later opened my email…immediately deleting junk stuff or anything non-critical that I cannot read or “deal with” right now. There was a message from a Substack I follow which I glanced at the title and then deleted…only to pause and “undo” the delete and read the actual communication.

I have decided to submit a poem I wrote two years ago to this “call” for efforts/submissions. I’m not sure if it is what they might be looking for, but two years ago I was deeply moved and inspired to write this piece. I will share below both the Substack’s call for submissions, and then the poem.

If you have read so far, thank you. And I ask for your continued prayers for significant and lasting breakthroughs in my situation, that I might be more fully released into ALL THINGS that I believe has and wants for me at this point in my life. Please pray that the fruits of my lifelong labors would abound in plenty, and against all the “little foxes” that sneak in and “devour” the blessings of the fruits of my hands.

There’s a verse in Proverbs 31 that has been in my mind also: “Give her the fruits of her hands…”

We know that in all things God works for the good of THOSE WHO LOVE HIM AND WHO ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSES. (Romans 8:28)

Substack Link:
Parents with Inconvenient Truths about Trans (PITT)

Advent Calendar of Gender Critical Fiction

Please contribute your short story of poem

Oct 09, 2024

My submission from this original piece on my personal blog:
Yes, Those Are Two Piles of Bloody, Severed Breasts (November 6, 2022)

WHERE SHALL I SUCKLE?

A child drew his first breath today

Crying and thrashing

Into the bare-naked, wide-open world

And,

Searching toward his mother’s nipple

And,

Finding no place to suckle

Finding no place of comfort

Finding no place to thrive

The child cried to his Creator

With words unformed

Where will I nurse?

Where will I find warmth?

Where will my life be kept safe?

Where is my mother?

Where is my father?

Jesus had no words for the child

But,

Speaking

Jesus wept

The child then asked,

Where did my mother’s breast go?

And,

Jesus covered the child’s eyes

To protect him from the sight

And,

Jesus wept

The child then asked,

Where did my father’s chest go?

And his arms, so strong?

Then,

Jesus covered the child’s eyes

To protect him from the sight

And,

Jesus wept

The child then asked,

What was my mother’s name?

Then,

Jesus wept

Unafraid

He speaks her name aloud

The child then asked,

What was my father’s name?

Then,

Jesus wept

Unafraid

He speaks his name aloud

The child then asked,

Am I alive?

Do I, too, have a dead name?

And Jesus spoke his name, saying,

Beloved.

The child then asked,

What will happen to me?

Then,

Jesus spoke to the child

In language long ago dishonored

And,

The child understood

The Word

(a poem written October 18, 2022)

Below are some images from a watercolor I did quite a number of years ago–I had envisioned the calligraphy from Proverbs 31 (The Virtuous Woman) being over top of deeply purple painted images of a woman’s hands holding up clusters of grapes, representing the line toward the end of this passage that says, “Give her the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates.”

After finishing this hand-done calligraphy/painting, I felt it did not come out as I imagined and was difficult to read. I then decided to do the piece differently, and over the years have produced a number of custom-ordered, personalized gifts from this piece. I will put some images below, and there is more information at this link (Proverbs 31).

As many friends/clients may know, I am fighting hard and heavily during this season that I seem to be in (along with many others). While some think/offer what they believe might be helpful suggestions, with my own “boots on the ground” knowledge of the actual situation, and my sensing of God’s will for me, I intend to “stay the course.” Many caring people simply have never run a small business nor understand the complexities of what is required/involved. Last week a passage of scripture came to mind which of course has a different context originally, but the “idea” behind it struck a chord with me and provided an amount of spiritual strength/guidance to help me continue persevering.

The passage text says:
“No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.” II Timothy 2:4

As I contemplate my own situation, giftings and callings, I can relate to this idea. I have spent over thirty-five years of my life pursuing/serving others through my art and giftings (and attempting to financially help sustain my family years ago, and now, once again, my own self) in a course that runs contrary to “mainstream” thoughts. Some reading have partaken of the fruits of my hands, and may not fully understand that I also need to reap the fruits, too.

Suggestions of various kinds whether directly or tacitly made and well-intended, amount to “advice” that is incompatible with the actual situation. It amounts to entanglement in “mainstream” pursuits that will NOT fix the issues I am facing, only further derail me from what I understand to be God’s will for my life.

If you are reading this and wish to further partner with me for God to bring RELIEF to me during these difficulties, I ask that you would consider a monthly pledge (starting as low as $4 per month) to help me continue riding through this “life storm.” I cannot stress enough that even small actions taken by those who believe in what I do and want to see it continue, can collectively make the difference here. This Patreon link can be easily used to add action to prayers, and I thank you for considering this. I have been working so extra hard lately on projects (AND traveling quite a lot for caricature work) that I don’t even have the time at the moment to SHOW here a number of projects in process.

I’m exhausted in many ways, and I need relief. I continue to get slammed with additional, needful expenses of many sorts…so far this month…$76 to the dentist, $525 for a huge break job on my van, and the end of the month is my yearly WEBSITE hosting renewal due for $318. I am still trying to catch up/offset accumulated deficits, and if you might consider purchasing a beautiful calligraphy item suitable for holiday gift-giving by using this GoFundMe, I’d surely appreciate that. I am trying to keep up currently, and also anticipate the always slow time of January. January/February is when I normally do a LOT of needed promotional/computer work that, when things “work as they should,” contributes to FRUIT being reaped in my business/work at future points in time.

What I do and have done over the years is a “whole system” and requires so much.

Thank you for your prayers, your patronage of my work over the years, and your continued forms of care and support to keep me sustained so that I can keep doing the things God has for me to do.

My heart also breaks at the situation with my younger son in Maine, and my two-year-old twin grandbabies that I’ve only seen now on three occasions. Some close to me are privy to some of the details of this situation. Please pray that God’s will and purposes and deliverance would be made clearly victorious in this situation, as well. I really believe God wants me to be in a financial position to drive up to Maine maybe 4 times a year. I need to HOLD these grandbabies in person and be part of their lives. Each trip requires about $300…and I believe that our spiritual enemy (Satan) is doing all possible to render me financially and personally exhausted. I am very fortunate to be connected with the other grandmother who lives in Maine–she is a Christian also. I long to get up there (and right soon) and even be able to attend church with her again, and perhaps the two of us might engage together in prayer, face to face.

I think of the text that says, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.” (I Timothy 1:5)

Again, I am asking especially that my Christian clients would better “hear” between the lines of these business communications to the spiritual situation and “work” that is of such personal need and nature, and would ask God how to pray and help.

The above Proverbs 31 piece can be ordered directly by emailing me, or on my Etsy store at this link. Speaking of Etsy, I have had a fairly significant drop off in order through that venue in the past six months or so. I am not sure why, and I have SIGNIFICANT investment of TIME/COSTS into this platform…with over 1500 listings. I am getting things “trickling in.” One thing I wonder about is whether Etsy is now favoring in their searches sellers with certain “leanings.” I don’t know. I do know that Etsy continues to make changes in their selling platforms, now allowing amounts of non “handmade” items. I’ve seen previously where a shop can identify itself as being owned by a certain demographic, or “friendly” to certain political causes.

I find all of this discouraging and daunting. As I searched my listings to get the above link, I noticed Etsy giving me a message which I will show below. I literally don’t have the capacity to perform these tasks right now (maybe in January, but…I won’t get any immediate financial “payoff” for this and I have bills to keep myself sustained and my home-based business sustained.) I am trying to continue to communicate what this involves, because I believe there are customers out there who do want me to be available to serve their calligraphy/art needs and desires when they arise in future times.

The amount of time/cost for me to keep up with the “technology” of things is great. Oddly, in the 90 minutes it has taken me to form this post I have received one phone call (using a Pennsylvania 717 number) from a person sounding to be in a foreign country stating they are from Google and something about my “business listing” that made no sense to me. I perceived it was some type of sales call/pitch and disconnected.

Also within that 90 minutes I have encountered significant freezeups on my hosted websites while trying to retrieve needed links. Not sure if an internet issue or hosting issue…but like many things…time ticks away while I’m trying to resolve it all…and that also feels like I’m being “thwarted” whether by natural or supernatural means, one cannot fully know.

At 61 years old, I am trying to adapt and keep up, and this is NOT the time in my life to go some entirely different direction. Again, I am grateful for those reading, praying and helping me stay the course.