The Power of Being Seen

This morning I saw a little sparrow, and it was both powerful and frustrating enough that I spent nearly the next hour after finishing my coffee in my coffee-drinking-spot staring at different parts of my surroundings and ruminating. I’ve given you the ending here (I saw a sparrow) but really, for you to benefit in any way from this expression, I need to start earlier in the story…

Last night before bed, I expressed some thoughts about my difficult day online, and included the following scripture. I also included the image below the scripture, a photo taken by my bathroom sink. It is a phrase from an old worship song that keeps coming into my mind, and I am trying my best to follow that intention.

In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.
Ecclesiastes 11:6

I went to bed, carrying many ongoing weights of not only my own personal situation, but that of some others whom I love. This morning, I awoke to the exact same battleground of fears, thoughts and emotions that surround and permeate my current and seemingly chronic “warzone.”

After recognizing and rounding up these thoughts, I attempted to take them “captive/prisoner” in a specific way that I’ve adopted over the past several months.

I literally spoke out loud: “I trust You, Jesus.”

When I didn’t particularly feel anything nor any better, even though intellectually I know I spoke as I should do, I wondered to myself if this was just another exercise in futility. I was flooded with a number of other terrible thoughts that also needed my response, as a “good soldier” in battle is called to perform. I recognized that if there were demonic forces seeking my harm and to disrupt what God wants to do in my life and through my life, that surely these were the kinds of thoughts and images of future fearful situations I might experience.

So, I then shouted aloud against the devil, in the name of Jesus.

(And if anyone wants to read a curious story of similar precedent, as well as how Luther “farted” at the devil (hmmm…), read this Martin Luther and Stinkering at Satan).

And with that, (my shouting at the devil this morning about “what he does not own”) my stiff, aching, aging bones rolled over and I put my feet on the floor, like a good soldier prepared for another day in this fog of War…

I’m always quite stiff in the mornings these days.

I wake up feeling one hundred years old and after my coffee feel about sixty-one years old, and by the time I crawl into bed after extremely long days, I feel about thirty years old.

Meaning, I am very active and nimble-minded, despite the dwindling number of years left before me in which I might financially and personally recover, and I feel like I’ve worked hard each day. And I suppose that makes me feel “young” and feel “hopeful.” I’ve been diligent/faithful with the seemingly small-but-daunting tasks/work that is before me…and surely, my God will see and take care of the entirety of things.

And then, like in the movie Groundhog Day, I struggle to fall asleep (last night I figured how to put this YouTube of Psalm 91 on loop repeat), and then I awake in the morning to find myself in the same battleground, fighting the same “demons” that I keep battling day after day after day after day after day…

Psalm 91 is one of my favorites, and speaks of God’s protection of birds from the “fowler’s net” that is laid to entrap them. Earlier this year I finished up a large Psalm 91 canvas. I did not sell it even though I put it out as “make me an offer” and it all worked out; some local friends had given me time pulling down a free deck and hauling it here so I could build a fence to protect my small apple orchard from my Katahdin sheep, and I gifted this painting to them in return. They are good friends, who have often given of themselves to me in love and friendship at just the right times, and they also look to Jesus for their lives. All of my artworks are scanned and can be sold as canvas prints or matted/framed prints, and this piece would also be available for anyone who has an interest.

As I carefully made my way down the steps this morning, with the goal of getting coffee, I noticed the little fluttering of a bird’s tail through the edge of the window at the bottom of the steps. I froze and paused…because, I needed to see.

It’s early January, and I haven’t seen any birds on my porch recently. I needed to see what this fluttering was–could it be a squirrel or a little chipmunk…or was it a bird?

As I stood there and watched, I saw a small, brown sparrow hopping around on the little table outside my window and coming into full view.

What were the odds of that?

To those without faith, the odds are quite huge. There’s a zillion sparrows out there, and the odds that one would be on my porch at that very moment and that I would see the bird are quite high.

To those of the household of faith, the odds are quite lower, and as in all significant things, “God-ordained.”

Immediately I was afraid.

No, I was not afraid of a little sparrow outside my window, but I was afraid to take this into my mind/heart as some type of “sign” that things would be alright. The scriptures tell us not to seek signs. And if there is anything I notice in my surroundings as a sign, it is likely to be some type of wild bird, or a grasshopper or butterfly at just the right moment.

Should I think of this as some sign to me?

I immediately thought of Jesus’ words to “consider the birds.”

And of course, already I was considering this little bird.

It’s January, and perhaps it is the same bird that seems to lay eggs each spring in the little nest in a wreath on my front porch. I don’t know where birds go in the winter nor what they do. I don’t know where they sleep, nor much else. They are common–like homeless people and those suffering many griefs and difficulties–we see them everywhere.

I think–being the artist I am and intense–I’m going to link into this writing relevant songs as well as scriptures.

Fasten your metaphorical seatbelt, I suppose…and while I always link my blogs on Facebook…having them here is another click away for intention reading and pondering on what I’m expressing. No one is making you read this, ha ha!

And according to the WordPress feature this is at “5,103 words, currently, and a 27 minute read time.” Adding in YouTube Songs links–and other relevant things to contemplate–will surely either engage you more, or not.

I think this is a fantastic song about sparrows:

But back to my story.

After seeing that little sparrow at such a time of morning worries, I began to feel myself “fighting” in a sense with God.

I looked up the verse:

Consider the birds of the air, how they neither sow, nor reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of much greater value than they are?
– Matthew 6:26

I was struggling because this verse seems to be diametrically opposed to the scripture I shared last night before bed:

In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.
Ecclesiastes 11:6

In fact, it seems to run contrary to so many scriptures–and common sense wisdom–concerning our need for diligent work, reasonable planning, and fruitful harvests.

“But God,” I found myself loosely ruminating–even arguing along these lines–“this doesn’t feel to be true in my life right now. Don’t you see what I’m seeing in front of me? Why are you delaying help…where are you?”

Though I’ve been here before and seen God’s provision, when find ourselves again in the same place each day, we say, like the Israelites in the desert likely said, “Where are the quail?”

There’s an old Paul Stookey song (below is by a cover artist) that comes to mind as I write this.

Who remembers this one?
“Then the Quail Came”

When I find myself caught up between provision-and-great need…provision-and-great need…provision-and-great need… I can say, “How on earth can I survive if I don’t keep working myself frazzled, and yet the provision is not coming?”

Where did all the quail go? I don’t yet see them…

I think this is a good moment for anyone reading that isn’t sure what a quail looks like or how big it is, to take a peek…

The common quail is a small compact gallinaceous bird 16–18 cm (6+1⁄2–7 in) in length with a wingspan of 32–35 cm (12+1⁄2–14 in). The weight is 70 to 140 g (2+1⁄2 to 5 oz).
-Common Quail, Wikipedia

Back to my story.

And, my argument with God.

I thought to myself, “I know that before I’ve found comfort and strength in Matthew 6:36, but what on earth does this mean now?

I thought about how these little sparrows survive.

In the winters, maybe some of them survive because of the community of others who see them.

Yes, that’s it.

But, the sparrows don’t live in community, per se. They are basically solo. Like me.

But, there are humans that see sparrows and help them, I thought to myself.

Am I not seen? Is there some huge foot standing upon the supply line hose, crushing it downward so that I just constantly live with a trickling of life-giving water and provision? Surely there are others who see me struggling. Surely there are others who are able to help in some way.

Again, I was left staring at the wall in front of me, long after my coffee was gone.

And then…it came to me. It all made sense, if just for a brief moment:

There is power in being seen.

Perhaps I was focusing on the wrong part of that verse.

I was focused on birds not sowing, reaping or storing/planning, which feels essentially illogical and counter to the harsh reality of human existence–though it is deeply beautiful and poetical and one of the most memorable words of our Lord and Savior.

But then He says, “…and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of much greater value than they are?”

OK. I got it.

The power is in first being seen, and in particular, that my heavenly Father sees me, and sees the entirety of my situation.

But…but…I am back to square one in my battles.

OK, God sees me.

But, how does God work?

Will He drop money out of the sky so I can pay my bills? Does He make random people show up and say, “I see your hard work, Eileen, and I want to make a difference in your outcome?”

(As I proofread this, I’m thinking of the proverb “Children should be seen and not heard!” So maybe, I should just be silent. Maybe I should not continue to communicate to others very real–and possible fairly simple and painless for some reading–ways that others might help God provide for me.)

I find it interesting, because often when I communicate like this, very little comes of it. And yet, something suddenly comes along from some other surprising direction. Some customer I haven’t heard from in ten years, for example.

What does this mean?

Sometimes, I think it means that God puts things in front of us, and sometimes, we don’t respond. I’m guilty of that, surely. So then, He moves in some other manner, if indeed, it is His will to provide for me.

Scripture says He owns it all: Psalm 50:10: “For every beast of the forest is mine, and the cattle upon a thousand hills”

In my contemplations, I thought about a crowd of people standing and watching something unfold, and yet many not seeming to make even a small gesture to practically help.

Sometimes when I’m feeling particularly low and negative, I think maybe if I was a girl scout, or a homeless person with a sign, someone might buy a few overpriced cookies which will be here today and gone tomorrow…or…feel otherwise inclined to give $5 to a homeless person…simply because they believe in what the girl scouts do. Or, they want the girl scout to thrive. Or, they believe in the inherent value of the homeless person–just like the value of some little sparrow who doesn’t work...who doesn’t sow nor plan, nor store, nor attempt to reap…as I continue to do. Some little sparrow whose “output” has never benefited others nor brought any form of blessing.

Some little sparrow, whose only purpose on the earth seems to be to eat, drink, poop, fly around, and reproduce.

But me, I have a home right now. I’ve got a studio sufficient to produce the work I’ve produced for thirty-five+ years, and chickens, and sheep and cats. What I don’t have, is the needful business/response. I have no issue with tireless efforts…and as a friend said, “you got the ‘art part’ down pat.” I’m just a terrible sales person, I suppose?”

So, maybe people are thinking, “That Eileen, enjoying her life and living ‘high on the hog!’ Not my circus, not my monkeys!”

(OK, I just had to get that farm animal–and other more exotic creatures–pun in there!)

And I also gave some thought about a crowd of people that collectively could make a difference and change outcomes, yet of the thousand who stand watching, and it being the same small few friends/family/clients that express care in a practical, essential, material manner.

And I don’t know what to do about that. And, I don’t like that. It feels terrible and humiliating. I want to thrive and pay bills, but even moreso, I want to once again be in a position where others want what I have to offer.

Everywhere we turn, we can see others whose needs are not met. We see those whose hard work or talents remain unrewarded, in the way that is warranted. We see reversals of many sorts, and we see the wicked prospering and the righteous failing to thrive.

Psalm 37 is a go-to picture of that scenario, as well as the futility expressed in the entire Book of Ecclesiastes.

I think of the calligraphy scripture artwork I have been most known for in these past thirty-five years (and the entire Chapter 4 of Ecclesiastes), and also, part of Psalm 103:

Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed—
    and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors—
    and they have no comforter. And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living,
    who are still alive. But better than both is the one who has never been born, who has not seen the evil
    that is done under the sun. And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.Fools fold their hands and ruin themselves.Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” This too is meaningless—a miserable business!Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4

As for man, his days are like grass—
he blooms like a flower of the field;
when the wind passes over, it vanishes,
and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting
the loving devotion of the LORD
extends to those who fear Him,
and His righteousness to their children’s children—
to those who keep His covenant
and remember to obey His precepts.
The LORD has established His throne in heaven,
and His kingdom rules over all.
Psalm 103

As I think of little birds, I also think of George Bailey and his community that came to him “like God” in his time of need.

I like movies and expressive songs–I’m an artist–and I often think conceptually of things expressed in those forms.

When I think of a crowd of people watching someone struggling–and of course the details are different and I’m only using this example to highlight the idea of people standing around assuming the worst will happen, waiting for some other person to make a move to help, so to speak–I think of another secular (very darkly expressive) song.

I’d like to invite you to consider this old Simon and Garfunkel song (“Save the Life of My Child”) alongside the scripture from James 2:16 which says, “If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?”

I’m struggling, and, I’m weary.

I’m weary of putting things out there on Facebook, Instagram, and through my client newsletters asking not for a handout, but a continued hand up (and until I can fully “get up”), to keep me moving forward and surviving.

I’m weary of asking for small sales, even $5 items or large, beautiful time-soaked artworks where I’d be willing to take 50% or less, just to keep “in the game,” with little to no response.

I’m weary of competing against the internet “robots” and “AI” and the snares/methods/obstacles of the current technology and the times in which I and all of us are currently residing…I’m weary of wondering how to persuade (with results) younger minimalists to purchase meaningful art, or persuading decreasing numbers of older maximalists (ha ha one of my sons recently joked I was a “maximalist” when we were talking about “minimalism” trends!!) to purchase meaningful art…(hey, they could purchase and gift it to the younger minimalists…just to make a statement??!!)

I’m weary of navigating trying to sell many products and services that I’ve built up around the wedding market in a world where fewer and fewer people are getting married, and, as I learned from a local mom-and-pop florist who is now struggling, post-pandemic, to keep their doors open, that “many brides now don’t even buy fresh flowers.”

I’m weary of navigating a world where the office and its art, may be drifting into oblivion, as many people now relish “working from home.”

I’m weary of navigating within my own context a world where acts of terror, increasing Marxism, and financially struggling-incapacitated US citizens are being laid off, put out on the streets and paying inflationary prices on basic goods.

I’m weary of feeling that my gifts, talents and especially, my hard work, is simply “not enough.”

I’m weary of having no response to asking for people to essentially help “jump start” having regular painting parties/giving art lessons here in my studio, which I believe would lead to more sustenance, and having zero practical response.

I’m weary of having/maintaining three very good WordPress business sites, and at least four Facebook business pages, using Instagram and the Next Door App, and still…not getting sufficient response. It’s exhausting. People might imagine when I’m not making enough money I’m sitting around with “nothing to do” and therefore, could go work another 20-30 hours on top of my 60+ hour weeks. What they don’t always understand is when you are in business and not generating enough paid work, you are actually working extremely longer hours (doing things like THIS) to try to get work in. It is not the time to divert attention elsewhere. The surest way for me to lose my business and EVERYTHING is to go do “that.”

I’ve been following someone’s advice to create one-minute ultra fast “reels” for Instagram or YouTube, and to use hashtags. I need more followers, apparently. I still don’t get how this all converts to sales in this Brave New World…but I’ve been pouring some time into THAT, too.

I’ve ask on Facebook for others to follow me on Instagram and especially SHARE somehow with friends, to possibly help me get the followers that “might” help. I have 161 followers on Instagram as of the other day when I asked that, and still, 161 followers. I put out there that if others shared and asked their friends to “follow this cool artist” (ha ha ha) on Instagram, that maybe I could increase to 1000 followers quickly! I believe that is the threshold of being considered an “influencer.”

Speaking of becoming an “influencer” – how about this quirky, fun short story I wrote awhile back after the same friend told me I might “need an influencer!” My good friend Julia who suggested both getting an influencer and doing reels (and more!) became my one and only Patreon supporter after I wrote/published this fun, quirky short story–complete with art that is still for sale–in her honor, to a degree!

Vincent and the Instagram Influencer

My internal gut, stubborn response as an artist was “NEVAAAH!!! NEVER NEVER will I outsource creating my own ‘image” as an artist nor not be in charge of my own “sales propaganda!” Ha ha ha…

But now, gee whiz…if there was a young person out there who would “sell me” for commission only, I might succumb!

Because…it’s exhausting making all these video reels and trying to get inside people’s art-buying head!

I’m weary of some who offer me opinions/suggestions (directly or indirectly) that do not understand me, my business, art, or have any deeper “skin in the game” of my life, nor “boots on the ground,” and who give me suggestions of how they think my situation would be “fixed,” when the answer, collectively, or even from such people, is much much simpler. And, I’m weary of the “mental battles” of trying not to entertain such thoughts. It may be that “these people” are mostly in my own head, so to speak.

And that most people I know really do care and want to see me succeed.

I recently saw a YouTube I listened to called “Stop Arguing With Demons”. (this talk is somewhat “CS Lewis” related…and although this is not directly related to the thrust of this post, it does actually contain relevant truths for my own life and situation.) Following this advice seems something I fall short of…over and over again. Whether of actual need to communicate my situation, or from personal weakness, I do not know.

I’m weary of feeling like some spectacle–in a sense–and wondering if even some are anxiously awaiting my downfall (I’ll leave why I might even think such a thing a “mystery”) …like some “reality show” on social media, Instagram and my client newsletter list.

In a sense, perhaps my current struggle reflects an odd kind of “call” now put upon my life: a call of sorts to become a spectacle of what happens when a 49 year old, once-divorced woman (I am now 61 years old after my ordeal), answers a false call to “lay it all” on the altar of a man that was not God’s provision for a “second chance at love.” A call I “answered” which sometimes feels like the wake of destruction in its path will never, ever end. My mounting losses, griefs and difficulties should be a kind of “sign” to divorced women–be careful, be very very careful not to turn to the left or to the right, but to keep your eyes fixed upon Jesus first. Or you might be like me, in a 2nd divorce that in some ways devastates you more than the first.
–From my blog piece “Answering the Call” which appeared in my studio newsletter (as it involves thoughts about “creating,” and more, as well as on my personal blog.

My communications and pleas to help me stay “in the game” and move forward amidst obstacles have a potential reach of nearly 1000 people.

Yet, I can see my “visitor hits” in my newsletter blog here how many take the time to click/read and especially, make a practical response.

And often, when I send out a communication, I receive back a handful of “unsubscribe” or “undeliverable” email addresses (which I then know to remove). And, why should I expect that random people who somehow got on my newsletter list 20-30 years ago when my art and business was growing/thriving and “in demand” more would even remember me, let alone, decide to make some purchase or commission some custom work or place an order for personalized calligraphy products?

What becomes of little sparrows that grow weary, for lack of significant sustenance?

Scripture says God sees them, and, we are to consider these birds. For our own lives, and in our own community.

Today is January 3rd. It is the birth date of my youngest son, Jonathan. And I carry weights and sadnesses there in that situation, too. My son was slowly absorbed in what I would name as a “satanic cult” although it goes by other terms, I suppose. If you know, then you know, of what I am speaking about. Prayers are powerful, and I do covet the prayers for this entire situation I am navigating. The entirety of my personal family complexities and griefs on any given day feel like “too much,” yet, I say each morning now, “I trust You, Jesus.”

There are things I believe God wants me to do–with a view not only to my own personal peace but with a view toward “kingdom of God things”–things as simple as taking a trip to Maine every few months to keep in contact with my twin grandchildren (born August 2022) and encourage/connect with their mother, and the other grandmother (also a Christian), and, hopefully, my son as well.

How long, Oh God?

How long will the enemy seem to prevail?

How long will I be so consumed and chained down, that the enemy has his way–seemingly–in binding up my wings and laying “fowler’s nets” for me so that I cannot survive/thrive, and especially not soar and fly. Situations that impair me so much that I cannot freely move and act–as a sixty-one year old woman who really at this point should be reaping the diligent fruits of her lifelong labors in many realms–in family situations that require (among other spiritual strengths) an amount of economic strength for me to do what I believe would be God’s will in the entirety of many aspects of these many situations.

Once again, Jesus tells us to consider the birds:

Sparrows.

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31

Quails.

“The people asked, and he brought quails, and satisfied them with the bread of heaven. They asked, and he brought quail, and gave them bread from heaven in abundance. They asked for meat, and he sent them quail; he satisfied their hunger with manna—bread from heaven.” Psalm 105:40

Vultures.

I also think of vultures–birds that prey upon the dead or dying, and birds that devour and are not thought of in a positive light. Scripture does make reference to such birds, but quoting passages here does not seem fitting within the context of this expression.

Eagles.

“But those who trust the Lord will find new strength. They will be strong like eagles soaring upward on wings; they will walk and run without getting tired.” Isaiah 40:31

Consider the birds.

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Last July, I had an accumulated deficit of nearly $7500. I did make some sales/receive some generous help from a few, that brought my deficit down. I have somehow kept managing to take one day at a time, work diligently, and “hang in there” by paying bills late, incurring additional, unnecessary fees, and, exhausting myself in a number of ways. I was helped sufficiently in August or so (some apart from the GoFundMe, which was essentially only a “tool” for the “crowd” to see the response…) enough to delay immediate concerns at that time and keep earning/paying bills, but now, it is winter for real.

(By the way, anything received in the GoFundMe was recorded as business income for tax accounting, and also, I sent a quantity of calligraphy prints/cards to each donation, in proportion to what was given. And that still stands. Perhaps you know of someone who would like some of these prints/cards shown below. It is a quotation with perennial applications…)

It is now January, and once again, I am asking for SALES, commissions or, if people would feel better about just giving me a “handout” (that’s not what I want), my deficit remains (carried forward and still “there” and not recovered from) at about the same amount as I last updated in a “GoFundMe.”

There has just gotta be a better way for me to keep paying bills while I continue adapting to new ways of “promoting” my work–trial and error–or otherwise even going around places for “cold sales” or to try to network/find regular, more predictable sources of income. Given this communication potentially reaches a 1000 people, theoretically, if just fifty people responded in some way for some purchase between $5-$500 depending on their ability and need/vision for buying/gifting/enjoying what I have to offer, it could make a real difference in my personal situation and personal outcome.

At the end of 2024, I note that my gross receipts were up 33% over 2023. And, in 2023, my gross receipts were up about 25% over 2022. This is a somewhat positive sign, yet, none of it is fast enough to overtake the “costs” of rebuilding my life/business after my divorce the end of 2019, in the interim. I feel like a broken record, and, I keep asking to be seen.

I keep asking for friends, family and clients to see me, and, to take action, while there is the window of hope.

I also plan (at the suggestion of several others) to take my social security early at age 62 in May of 2025, even though it will lock me in for the remainder of my life with “less.” Because, I will literally not survive until age 67 otherwise. And even so, I will continue to try to rebuild my business–and in doing that, my life–here in Pennsylvania until the day I die. If I earn more net profit than the threshold, then I will temporarily receive a bit less in benefits until I’m 65, I believe.

Taking my social security early will certainly help some and be something–in addition to the small pension I now receive from my first marriage of twenty years–but it will not resolve everything. I’ve been a wife, a mother, a homeschool mom, and a home-based businesswoman. I’ve not been in the “9-5 workforce” since 1988, and never, in a professional capacity.

My profession is full time artist, and I have the goods to show for it. I’ve worked diligently and hard, increasingly, since my oldest son was born in 1989, to develop my skills. Many reading here have reaped from my skills. Skills that came gradually at a high cost of time, money, and mistakes and “learning experiences.”

What I now offer, should be compensated for all the my hands bring to the art table, so to speak.

Yet, that is not the case. Especially not after losing almost ten years of my “prime business life” in Alabama, in a difficult second marriage requiring relocation, that ended in divorce. I have no plans to marry again…unless God would see fit. He’d have a lot of convincing me into it, at this point, sadly. And never again, would I relocate for someone.

I have no retirement–my art IS my retirement plan.

I will live day to day, until the day I die…or the day I can no longer manage.

I have developed the skills and services and products I offer, for over thirty-five years, because there are people who have wanted what I have to offer and have appreciated my God-given gifts and diligent work. I hope that there still remain enough people who know me–and remember me–to help me yet succeed.

At my age, I am on a clock.

There are increasingly constraints upon me, that would seem obvious to those who intimately “see me.”

I grow weary in trying to communicate these things, and what it is that I need.

Below, at the very end, are items I continue to have for sale. These items require no new work (I have two commissions I am struggling to complete at the moment, amidst the immediacy of other needs and with the need for deep clerical cleanup/organization that I always tackle in January) and yield immediate provision. All I need to do is pack and ship.

These items do no good sitting in my studio when I have such huge bills before me right now, and for that reason, I would accept any reasonable offer on any item below. Keep in mind, there are shipping costs involved. I have already offered these at 50% discount during December with no response.

In the scriptures, we get the story of a shrewd business manager in the parable found in Luke 16. While the details/context are different, there have often been times where I’ve sold something for far less than its intrinsic value and rejoiced–because a bird in hand is better than two in a bush.

Right?

And, there we are. Again.

Suddenly back again to birds.

If you have read this far, first, I thank you.

If you have read this far and are thinking, “I don’t want to help you through a GoFundMe, and I don’t need any artwork,” that is understandable.

I will present one other way here that God can use you to help in this situation, beyond prayer and care, in a practical way. I have mentioned this a number of times before, and I sense that people my age must not really understand how ” My Patreon” works. Patreon is a popular crowdsourcing tool.

Younger people use it all the time to fund their endeavors.

Perhaps young people want to promote “environmental justice” or fund volunteer or other work related to causes in Gaza, or, promote resources/goods to help “marginalized” people. They mobilize their “community” to pledge as low as $4 a month, and they get capital for their ideas.

If you don’t know who Jeffrey Marsh is, he’s “this guy.” He’s an online groomer and trans activist (and possibly a “trans woman”) who has gathered a LOT of money through Patreon, who then makes these kinds of TikTok/YouTube short videos encouraging young people to mutilate their bodies, and especially, sever from God and their parents.

I like to raise awareness, and there may be readers here that have no idea of what is going on…and as Christians, we need to know. It’s despicable…and it is demonic.

I’m struggling that people like this can succeed with help via Patreon, while people like me who actively work to combat these evils and to “create art and beauty in this world” can’t raise help from within Christian community.

Take a look (and also follow this link for his full Patreon page):

I suppose I don’t understand why of all the people I’ve known and perhaps “blessed” in some way over the years through my art, or even other acts of service–often “gifting” art in a variety of ways or going the extra mile in various ways over the years, or simply being part of a family of any kind (natural or spiritual), that it seems so hard to communicate that rather than respond by thinking, “Gee whiz, if I were closer to Eileen I’d take her out once a month for a cup of coffee, or come help in some physical way,” that the concept of 50-100 people reading and taking action to pledge $4 a month does not get any response. (I do have one pledge over the past two years, for which I am grateful).

Patreon is not a fly-by-night thing, and it is not some “scam.”

It is equivalent, in a sense, to pledges made to “missionaries” monthly or pledges to provide clean water in a foreign country ($5-$10 a month) to support artists, writers and others whom we “believe in” and want to see them succeed.

Patreon support would help (in addition to sales, commissions and gigs) offset my overhead costs, or depending on the level, possibly free me up to write and impact more, or create and otherwise promote my art with less stress.

Over the past several years, in my “spare time” I am passionate about writing and raising awareness of things. I write about the reality of LGBTQ+ issues to some extent, and I write about the reality of young (and older) people now turning to New Age/New Thought/Occult practices, and creeping Marxist ideologies.

If I weren’t so worried about paying bills right now–or getting to keep in connection with my grandchildren–I’d be writing even more.

Here’s a link to my personal blog if you are interested in some of the things I have studied more deeply and exposed. There is a category of “Religion, Politics and Current Events” and the “Do Your Homework Series” that may interest some readers to browse over. If you want to “subscribe” to my personal blog, please email me and I will add you so you are notified of both personal and other posts.

I am especially concerned with Queer Theory-Theology (also known as “Queer Marxism”) and other Marxist ideologies infiltrating the Christian Church. I am also concerned with Occult Practices infiltrating the Christian Church, and have been actively researching/reading about various things, but, I have no real time any more to write much these days, in order to raise awareness and output what I am taking in.

I wrote a piece last year about CRU (formerly Campus Crusade) and some issues…I’m pretty good at linking things. I actually wanted to be a photo-journalist when I first entered college as an art major. I did a lot of writing in high school. I seem to have multiple God-given gifts and talents.

Blog piece I wrote: What is “CRU” and Why Did They “Cancel” Josh McDowell?

I seem to recognize patterns/connections that fly over many people’s heads. It’s just the way my brain works…and it is probably what has helped me in my art, as well. In my visitor hits statistics, I regularly see “hits” on the above piece (from Google Searches coming from locations all over the United States, with a stronger number coming from the Virginia/Georgia region, where the Baptist Pastor I referenced is located).

I hope that the assembling of my information and my commentary is being used for positive work in God’s Church and the world, somehow.

Another piece I wrote/assembled awhile back (Do Your Homework Series: Fitch, Foucault, Rhor & Zahnd (And No, That is Not a Law Firm…) has also pulled in some attention, and awhile back more than one “stranger” left a comment and as you can read, I didn’t want to answer their question publicly. We exchanged an email, and then I spent a couple hours by phone one Saturday with this concerned brother in Christ discussing a number of “Church matters” facing today’s Christians, and infiltrating ideologies.

I actually saw this article recently–it was certainly suggested in my Google newsfeed and algorithm, likely triggered by something I was typing/texting somewhere around that time–I understand how this “Brave New World” is working, these days. This article does describe me quite a lot, but I took special note of point #2, since I’ve had some friends who think I “over-read” in seeing linkages between seemingly disparate things. Sometimes, maybe. But generally, I don’t think so.

When I see something, I see something.

2) They see patterns and connections everywhere

“Being both highly intelligent and deeply intuitive, I’ve found myself noticing patterns and connections that others often miss.

For instance, in my weekly team meetings, I always find myself instinctively picking up on the hidden dynamics between team members. I can sense underlying tensions or camaraderie that isn’t immediately apparent, and it’s all based on nuanced patterns in behavior or speech.

This ability isn’t limited to social situations, either. I remember working on a complex data analysis project once. On the surface, the data seemed random and unconnected. But as I delved deeper, my intuition kicked in, helping me spot a subtle pattern that ended up being key to our findings.

This unique trait of seeing patterns and connections everywhere can offer a significant advantage, whether it’s understanding team dynamics or unraveling complex data. It’s a common behavior among those who possess the rare blend of high intellect and deep intuition.
—(ARTICLE) People with the rare combination of being highly intelligent and deeply intuitive usually display these 8 behaviors

If you are a Christian and on my mailing list or reading this, I suppose I’m challenging you a bit here.

I am scratching my head wondering how such an ungodly, demonically-fueled “influencer” such as Jeffrey Marsh and many others, can financially flourish and survive–from making ungodly TikTok’s and likely having immense (Marsh’s support is undisclosed, last I read) response from Patreon pledgers starting at their minimum of just $4 a month.

And yet, I am a hard-working Christian woman who has devoted my life to Christian-based art, teaching homeschoolers art, making other cherished art keepsakes or fun-and-beautiful items, been a faithful wife for 20 years, and then again for 8 (yes, I made some very unfortunate decisions leading to two divorces, but that is another backstory), devoted a lot of my adult life to raising my sons and being active in church community, and yet…there have been times over the past year my bank accounts (after paying bills) have literally gone down to less than $4 total for a stretch of a day or a few…

I endure that, because, I continue to hold out hope and have faith in God.

I’m a strong believer in perseverance, and in using one’s God-given gifts, and in answer God’s call on my life. I’m confident in knowing what I am supposed to do with my remaining days, even when feedback and circumstances seem to be shouting “otherwise” in my face.

God sees me–this little sparrow here–and I hope that you, too, see me.

Art Works, Simple Woodcrafts and Calligraphy Currently For Sale

Please feel free to make any reasonable offer on anything below! All sales will help. Please email me with questions or to purchase.

Thank you.

Original Art Works, Simple Woodcrafts and Calligraphy Currently For Sale

(Above)
“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”

~ Henry Van Dyke

This original artwork measures 19 x 70 inches. Yes, it is large!

But it would make a beautiful additional to the right room/space, and like all my creative works, I am actively seeking a “forever home” for this original art.

The cost of the artwork is $350, and estimated shipping would be around $75. If you are interested in purchasing, I can determine a closer estimation based on size/weight/shipping destination.