Often my new art is birthed through a culmination of various things. Several months ago I was teaching a basic calligraphy class at the Carisle, PA Library to a group of ladies. During one of the sessions, I devoted some time to giving inspiration and ideas for more advanced calligraphy techniques and use of watercolor/illustration.
I wanted to show how I develop a layout for a piece and how it progresses in stages. Around the time I was planning for the class, I was listening to a Jewish-Bluegrass Band called Nefresh Mountain (they are fantastic!) and one of their songs, Modeh Ani, kept catching my attention. I began to read online the translation and history of this Jewish prayer and in doing so, felt inspiration to use the text for demonstrating flourished lettering/layout.
I did enough in class to give them the gist, and then I continued at home slowly working on the piece in between other projects until I was satisfied with it. I envisioned grapes and thorny vines as the surrounding artwork; grapes for fruitfulness and the thorny vine imagery alludes to the sufferings of Jesus our Messiah. I felt I was able to link together this traditional Jewish prayer with Christian symbols.
There are several reasons that the Modeh Ani prayer resonated with me after I discovered the translation and its traditional history/practice among Jewish people. I learned that it is a prayer that faithful Jews are taught to pray upon waking each morning as a reminder that we are not guaranteed a new day. I also read that in Jewish folklore/mysticism it is believed that sleep is 1/60th of the “death state” so the idea of one’s soul being returned upon waking is somewhat enmeshed in this prayer with the scriptural ideas of God’s Kingship, His faithfulness, and our need for gratitude/thankfulness for the privilege of a new day.
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
On a personal level, I find that for a number of years as I’ve been going through various difficulties and significant life events (divorce, relocation/disruption and the fearful worries I constantly carry despite my continual hard work and attempts at living faithfully to God in a number of ways, and other heavy family issues) have me regularly and predictably experiencing the highest sense of deep fear and dread (anxiety and fear of my future and my present) upon my waking moments, pretty much daily.
This may be hard to fully convey, but I do believe that in our sleep state we process so much from our past, present and future–and of course creative people like me seem to dream more. I think it is a kind of vulnerability I feel upon awaking each day–that I am alone in my life situation and it is full of heavy weights and fears and intense need for perseverant trust and total dependence upon God.
When I awake, I have the sense of “What in the world am I doing and what is going to happen to me now?”
It takes a lot for me to put my feet on the floor and face another day that will be filled with difficulties and uncertainties; yet, I find equally that every day as I do this thing…and get my coffee and begin to ground myself in the waking daylight, God, and the many tasks before me, that this intense fear dissipates and I feel that I’m in the “land of the living” once again (as opposed to that morning feeling of anxiety and dread that, “I’m divorced twice now, am sixty years old, struggling with many things that seem so very, very messed up and broken…that…maybe my life is essential over…my best days of youth and children, and family and hope and all seeming to be right in my world is over…past…spring and summer gone…and it is fall with a dread of winter ahead….”)
It’s a predictable 24-hour cycle for me…and I go and go working at so much until my late-owl artist self collapses into bed late at night. And then it all starts again the next morning. If you can imagine Groundhog Day (the movie)…it’s kind of how I feel. Every day I work and work and hope and struggle, and every morning I wake up with the same dread as though nothing I do matters or changes anything. (Describing my “waking state” as I arouse/pull myself together….bypassing hungry cats to first go start my coffee!!!).
Coffee does help, too!
But back to the Modeh Ani prayer. I have been attempting to memorize this and incorporate it into my first intentional thoughts upon waking. I think it is a good practice, and I know that I am not alone in the struggle that so many of us have that comes with each new day. And, I hope I don’t sound like my days are joyless because they certainly are not! Once I get going I do in fact–despite the hardships–experience quite a lot of deep joy, peace and a sense of adventure and ambition (for a sixty year old!)
Anyway, I hope this piece inspires you in some way!
Below, I will link a couple of videos of the music (I really love the live performance…SO. MUCH. JOY AND VIBRANCE!)
I will also show the framed piece (the original artwork) that is for sale, as well as a link to Etsy where you can purchase prints or cards of this new piece.
As always, I am grateful for any orders, purchases and new commissions. I know that we are all feeling this current economic situation, and any and all work is truly appreciated! Thank you for reading and please feel free to share this blog piece or email any friends you think might be interested!
Hebrew Text: Modeh ani l’fanecha, melech chai v’kayam, shehechezarta bi nishmati b’chemla, raba emunatecha
English Translation: I thank You, living and enduring King, for You have graciously returned my soul within me. Great is Your faithfulness.
To Purchase “Modeh Ani” Prints/Cards on Etsy
Please message me at eileenslifer@lettersource.com to purchase
For More Reading:
Modeh Ani – The Jewish prayer of thanks first thing in the morning
